On the cusp of winter’s end, I found her. An ad, a link, and a click, all thanks to Craig. Knowing a stranger without seeing her face; revealing herself in the memories of her eyes. Discovering her story through image was like drowning…a rush of emotive fervor, a wave of unexpected calm and clarity, a final breath that holds both relief, loss, joy, life. And I think, can one cry underwater?
Severed words scattered on the page, divorced from its end or beginning, given the freedom to become something new. Make them come together. And I thought, is this the workings of her mind? Nonlinear. Like a voice was speaking on the splash, an echo in your mind, and she whispers all the words at once. The mind isn’t meant to decipher; she wants it to feel.
And even still, when I find myself on that page, the stories of her, it takes me a moment to adjust. And once I open the next visual chapter, I start slow, segue to the next only after taking in an image like breathing. The hues, the angles, these people entering her life if even for just that hour, she sees it so raw and pure. But never do I stop at the end, I pause, and then I find myself clicking quick. Each image with a millisecond of life before me, like a flip book, I press on to the next without thought. Faster, then faster, until the visual melts into a flash of colors, curves, light…it feels like the last thirty seconds of life, that last breath, the final mind bursting…rupturing…blow out.
She doesn’t know of these things…until now.
Never could I have imagined that she’d be the next great teacher in this journey I trek. What a mess she has made of me. To feel with my eyes. So often I feel like a gaping wound routinely salted. The grotesque seer, my perception shifting. Do you not see?
I speak of beauty in terms of light.
Often, distracted while driving, I find myself blurting aloud the wonderful something I have found. And now my friends know, they say, “Oh, the building. Oh, the light,” before reminding me to stay in my lane. This mind wanders.
Yes, what a mess she has made of me…